Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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