Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
