I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
