Kareoke will never be a sober sport
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
