Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think a kid would responsible me up
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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