My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
