Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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