Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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