Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
