I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
