Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
