threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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