When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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