I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
