this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
