Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
