Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
