i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
