I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
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Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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