I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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