Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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