You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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