So drunk its hurt
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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