3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
