id be glad to
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
