I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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