How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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