I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
