By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
