I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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