if i can run in heels then i can drive
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
