I think I won the penis lottery.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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