i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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