If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
