her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
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Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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