I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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