I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
