I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i out mim tonsoeep
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