I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
