you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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