We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
