hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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