??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
