That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
