just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
