I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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