I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
