He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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