Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
