Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
