i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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