standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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