So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
