If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
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Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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