Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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