I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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