every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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