i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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