this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
