nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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