i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
