whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
