I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
