Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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