today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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