walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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