We won't sleep together?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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