beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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