WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
