get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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