Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
